I met Dorinda 14 years ago, and ten years ago we were married.
She struggled with depression for many years before we even met, going through ups and downs, spending more time in the downs than the ups. We talked about it many times, and she told me that mornings were often a struggle to find a reason to go on living. But that was "normal", that was what her life was like, and she was maintaining. She had had treatment in the past, but was not currently under treatment, and would not seek any. She said it was okay, that she could handle it, that she didn't need to see anyone. I accepted that rather than face the long, drawn-out battle of getting her to see someone. I accept full responsibility for that choice.
She was a very strong-willed person, and when she made up her mind to do something, she always did it immediately. When something had exhausted her patience or ability to deal with it, she walked away. Her phrase for that was "Okay, I'm done."
Yesterday, I believe that when she woke up, she felt that the only thing she had to look forward to was year after year of more of the same, that while she might be able to keep it from getting worse, it was NEVER going to be any better. I believe she decided she was done.
We had a cat, "Skittles", an abandoned, almost feral queen that she befriended and rescued. Skittles treated me as a sibling, but bonded to Dorinda as if to a mother. They had a deep, strong emotional tie. Rather than leave Skittles abandoned again, she took Skittles with her.
Yesterday I lost the two most important beings in my life. Yesterday, when I got home, I found both of them dead by deliberate Carbon Monoxide poisoning.
I wish I could have given her what she needed. I wish I'd had the strength, the character, the ability to help her. But at least, wherever she is now, she is finally at rest.
Blessed be, my love, and fare well.
*****
September 6, 2009
That was a little more than a year ago. Dorinda was born in Wyoming, to Morris and Linda P. If you know her family, tell Linda to write to the same address she did last time, include a phone number, and I'll try fill in some of the blanks. Or she can email me. Send it to "corus27". Use the domain "cox dot net". (Add an "at" sign, and change " dot " to a period.)
*****
August, 2010
I'm no longer at the mail address Linda wrote to before. She should use the email address above or the one at the top of the page.
This is to try to bring this up in search engines, hoping to give Linda a chance to find it. If it appears on your screen, please just ignore it.
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